She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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