my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
