i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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