Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
