you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
