I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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