return my video game
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
