Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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