If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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