I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
