dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
