I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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