First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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