seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
