I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
