Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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