Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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