I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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