Pregnant stripper...not hot.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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