I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
