I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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