I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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