the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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