Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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