Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
