I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
