Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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