We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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