I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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