I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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