hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
