the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
im holly from the hills drunk
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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