I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
