So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
