He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
