is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
