Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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