dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
