The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
