So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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