What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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