The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
