I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
