I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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