dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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