I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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