I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
