More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
