bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
