No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
