worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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