life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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