Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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